All I want

I was thinking the other day of a list. The world is so huge! And I have been to only a small portion of it! There are wonders that I have seen on photos and videos…that have mesmerized everybody within their sight. But a secondary mesmerization cannot quench my curiosity. I have to be there! Walk the great wall of China, Stand before the taj mahal, lie on my back and admire the northern lights, explore the underwater sights, touch the walls of the pyramids, whisper a prayer into the walls of Jerusalem…Connect with history on a personal level. I want to be there!

There is a lot of intelligence that is yet to be discovered, yet what I know of the already discovered is but a drop! There are millions of books that will tickle my fancy, help me discover a passion I never knew, make me think like Einstein did, and perhaps develop a new admiration for My God! I have a deep hole that craves knowledge…a thirst to know more, read more, and add my contribution to the world of intellects, albeit in a small way. I want to be unlimited!

There is a depth by which I want to know God. Like David, I want to seek him till he calls me, “A woman after my own heart.” I hear about his compassion, providence, expansive, immeasurable nature…but I want to experience it firsthand. To be so intimate that I can feel Him stirring in my soul. To be so connected that it goes beyond asking…to just loving Him for who he is. I want to grow beyond my limits!

There is a side of human beings that has always fascinated me, though most shield themselves from being discovered. It’s beyond the self-centered, uncaring, inhuman side they like to show. I have realized that everyone has a story. Of how they rose from the gallows, almost everybody has a message for my life, somehow. I want to expand my arms and reach out to older, younger, crazier, calmer, unapproachable, those I have thought to be outside my ‘circle’…who knows? They may hold the key to some of my doors! I want to reach out!

There is a side to me I am so sure I am unaware of! I mean, I have passions: love for music, art, writing, laughs and the likes. But most of my passions get stuck in my head, in my imaginations and desires. Like I adore the “tango”! Yet I never make a move to learn..In my mind, I see myself a tango phenomenon, from behind my desk. I want to burst my mental boundaries, try something new every day, take risks, go where my heart leads, do what I think I shouldn’t, let loose, Just DO IT! In this life, Now, Here! I want to fly! 

Then there are limitations to these dreams of mine. I am gonna write them ALL down. The reasons, the what-ifs, the hmmmm, maybe-nots….all of them. Then am gonna read through that list again, and tear it up, burn it, and GO FOR IT! The good Lord has blessed me with this one life! Every passing day, my time is a day less. Every passing day, He has provided enough for my journey: Health, friends, means, and miracles. I want to just DO IT!!

Popeye

I want to love you darling

I want to be the weed that makes you high with crazy imaginations

I want to be the song that wakes you up in the morning with a smile

I want to love you with the force of gravity,

Making all things come down to your hands

I want to be a sight that leaves you fixated and speechless

I want to be the memory you tell generations

I want to be wrapped around you like that tie you love to wear to your serious meetings

I want to be as romantic as the full moon on a clear warm coastal night

I want to love you darling,

Like a wonder that’s unfathomable

Like a simple quiet Sunday morning.

I want it to be beautiful like how you imagine Italy, or Spain…

I want to inspire you beyond Steve Jobs..

I want to be the preacher’s example of what a Godly woman should be..

I want to love you darling

For a period-immeasurable

For a reason-unexplainable

For an extent-Inexplicable!

I want to love you darling,

And you make it easy with that smile,

Coz you know, I wanna love you,

Just the way you do!

Familiar Stranger

She is…

Patiently waiting for him to understand just what it means to love him

When he stays out late

Preferring to while the evenings away with strangers

And return to her staggering and spent

Leaving her lonely with nobody to tell of her weary endeavors

Or the growing cancer in her breast.

She is…

Patiently waiting for him to understand just what it means to love him

When he demeans her

Hits her…

Shames her in front of her children

And she stays because of the man she knows he is,

And maybe staying will redeem him in a way

Bring him back to his course.

She is….

Patiently waiting for him to understand just what it means to love him

When he walks down the aisle in the arms of another

Making vows and promises

While she breaks down inside after years of waiting for his promise to her

Caring, nourishing and polishing him..

For another.

She is

Patiently waiting for him to understand just what it means to love him

When she sacrifices her dreams

To start learning and contributing to his

For the sake of her children.

She is

Patiently waiting for him to understand just what it means to love him

When he is six feet under,

Gone too soon in his prime by his irresponsible choices

Yet she tells her children of his heroism and greatness

Of his love for them…though absent.

Of stories filled with nothing but praises.

She is..

Patiently waiting for him to come home to her

And see himself a man in her beautiful eyes

Get comfort in her loving arms

Understand that she is never going to leave him in the stormy days

Stand by him

Pray for him.

She is patiently waiting..

Even when there is no hope for the day.

Audience of one

Floral patterns splattered across my wall

Warmth seeping through the shades

A Sun ray sneaking into my blankets

A beautiful day dances seductively by the trees, the clouds, the glades

A promise carried on the song of the living

Everything rises to life before my very eyes

And I am sucked in..

Integrated…churned, shaken, mixed up and loosened up!

Sieved out of confusion,

Spiced up with vibrations of positivity

Splashed with inspiration

It’s like an orchestra for the audience of One: ME!

My feet touch the floor and round and round I spin…

Losing myself to the notes and anecdotes

Losing myself in the moment of my spotlight!

Lights,

Action!