Winter of my heart

In that stillness of a moment
Everything fell silent
Except for the chirping bird on some tree
And the beating of my heart.
I sat alone, just me
With my emotions fully alert,
To converse with a friend I held closer than a brother. sister…mother.

I really needed you this day,

More than I ever have coz you see…
This walk has proved to be more difficult than it ever has!
My external and internal vitals seem to shut down one by one
The world seems to grow dimmer and meaner
My intellects appear insignificant,
My daily tasks mere chores: meaningless…worthless..Pointless.
Am like an empty up-turned vessel in the middle of the desert.


I have decided to take this minute,
Just to let you know how much I need you right now
To hear a reassuring word
To have a chat like the good old times
…….hey,are you listening?


A cold wind sweeps across my shoulder,
And I realize that am all alone today.
Where are you?
Its been a long time..I keep coming by, hoping you would spare me just a minute.
The last time we talked, you promised to never leave nor forsake me…
Yet for the past few weeks you seem to have taken a vacation without me.


I couldn’t look for you with teary eyes
I couldn’t walk any further for my strength failed me
I couldn’t raise my voice to call out for you, for my spirit was crushed..
So I asked my friends to stand on my behalf and let you know that I need you.

It is the darkest night of my soul, Lord

The winter of my heart.

You have hidden your face from me,

Though I still feel you strongly in my spirit.

If this is the test of faith,

Lord I will hold on.

And daily I will come to this bench,

Where once, when the sun used to shine

And flowers bloomed at our feet,

You sat for hours on end with me,

Shared a joke, a moment, a story.


But now that you seem so far away,
I will trust you more,
I will fasten my faith,
I will raise my voice and sing you one more poem from my heart,
Just to tell you how much I miss you dear friend.



Isaiah 8:17
Job 23:8-10.                                      

Honeymoon Jitters

I stand there and wait....
A smile on my face, my heart palpitating at 1000 beats a second!
my shoes cannot hold me any longer.
I wish i could take them off..but he has to see me in these. they say the first impression is a lasting impression.....i wanna make sure he doesnt forget this day!
So i take tiny nervous steps and pace up and down....
Behind this door,
I know he is waiting....
Waiting to tear me down to pieces....
I dont know if he is anxiously waiting...but i do know that he has high expectations!
Panic sets in.....can I?
Hell! I KNOW CAN!
He can never find someone better than me for sure!
But why are my palms sweaty?
I know its my first time...but i have had countless lectures to prepare me for this!
What to do...what to avoid...how to act... I AM PREPARED!....or...am i?
Oh No! i think this was a biiiig mistake!
i dont know what i was thinking! i am not ready for this!
"RUN! RUN! RUUUUN!!!!!", The voices inside my head scream!
I set off towards the nearest exit.....
Just then..the door opens....
" Miss, I am ready for you now," he says with a smile.
There's no escape! Its do ro die!
there's no turning back, i guess.
I slowly follow him into the room...This is it!
Oh DAMN! I forgot my C.V on the bench!
I excuse myself to go and get it.
"These young people...they always behave like young virgin brides on their wedding nights, yet its only an interview!" The manager said, with a chuckle.
I smile....i think am gonna nail this one after all!(",)

the REAL brotha

Here’s something dedicated to my real brathas out there

The Strong brathas
The ones who give “Man” a whole new meaning…

See, I aint talking about the masculine kinda bratha

You Know, the ones with a towering ego,

Always macho..

The Casanova that has ladies falling behind his seductive cologne..

The one who has conquered to mine many diamonds from that ‘Junction’

The one who is the master of his world,

And nobody can tell him Nuthin’

The loud kinda bratha who always has too much to say about Nuthin’

Yet never stops to listen.

No,
Am talking about the real bratha
The responsible brotha
The straight kinda brota
A bratha so brave, you always feel safe with him
Strong enough to defend his sista
Yet gentle enough to put back together the fragile pieces of a broken toy.


A bratha with a vision so strong,

Many build dreams stemming from this

A bratha so much in control
Always knows what to do..
Yet when he comes infront of the Almighty
He is humbled and Lets Him Control him.


I’m talking about a smart bratha
A bratha who knows that its cool sometimes
To step down alittle,
Jus for his sista to shine.


Yea,
I know you brathas have Issues too!
I know its tough
I know it gets rough
I Know they will label you ‘Pink man’
Whenever you seem soft…
I also know that a real bratha, has an inner boy
Knowing that deep inside,
This boy longs for a warm bossom
That this little man is in deed, always In-need of a woman.


Oh, am talking about a bratha who dares to be alittle more..
A little more than booze,gals and football..
Am talking about a bratha with ambition
A bratha with a reason
A bratha with focus.
A bratha who goes out to get his own
And doesn’t bask in the glory of others
The one whose hand is not always stretched in request
While the other scratches his crotch while he dreams of big fast cars, and the Pimp lifestyle…


Hmm..
Am talking about a bratha with personal style
A bratha with a confident smile
A bratha who smells so good
And dances good too
His walk leaves alittle mystery
Yet his glance
And his quiet reserve, always tempts one to say “hello”


The Kinda bratha,
Who has crowned a girl the name of “Lady”
Whether she be his girlfriend, house girl his grandma or mama mboga…
He tips his hat as a sign of respect..to the lady
And always careful not to flatter an old lady too much,
Or leave a young lady begging for complements.


See,

The makings of a GREAT man,

Aint in the bounce of his walk..

Flashiness of his rolex

Or the sleekness of his whip

A GREAT man

Is the one who lets the GREATER man control Him..Form him

A real bratha lets the Man Above Make him…

Raise him..

To greatness, in the midst of REAL men.

If you are a GREAT kinda bratha…Please Stand Up n’ let This sista appreciate you!

23:59

Hope doesnt live here anymore
Ever Since love walked out the door
All that remains...is silence.
Fostered by solitude
Headed into twilight
Mysery and hopelessness beckon for my company
Its all a suspensional recurrence
No horizons
No Limits
No promise
No place to lay my dreams
No lights to guide me home


I have to find the pulse
Before my heart gives in.

....more than a thought

I want you to stay jus alittle bit

know me alittle better

I need you alittle bit closer

and just for a minute

let me hold you a while longer

perhaps even alot tighter

I wanna freeze this seconds awhile

To cling on this perfect memory
To see you smile..chuckle..
To etch the moment deep in my thoughts
For am afraid that like the mist and dew
You might be gone forever
far away drifting among the clouds
to dance with the angels...
before you know how much I love you...and how greatful I am to have you in my life.
To have you as my Mother, sister, brother,friend, confidant

Dreaming my dreams

Hit that 27 mark and am not letting them wane in the least bit!

Holding onto my childish hopes and visions, and more mature aspirations in the turbulence of life’s often unpleasant and unfriendly façade. Playing my cards with experts, daring a little further sometimes after the first numerous warnings, living as I believe and not as is expected.

There have been miracles and doors slamming in my face. Sometimes laughing out loud to the ridiculous amount of faith I still have in my abilities and the sanctity and fairness of life. Following signs spouted by personal conviction, leaning on anything that will make me see the picture more clearer, searching for hidden hope in the pile of the many disappointments that lay all around me, keeping close to me those with words and actions to ignite and awaken that which I thought had no place in this current time.

I will put them down on paper, think about them constantly, speak about them out sometimes to an ear which spares a second, make jokes about how pathetic it would be if I gave up, daydream, invest, pray, give it my all….I WILL give it all I have got, to the last scratches, to the setting moon and the rising sun, to the limits of my imagination and the shreds of my sanity.

I will dream my dreams,

I will keep searching around the pavements, depths of the woods, sea of faces, pages of books, new and old,

I will lose my head not in worry, but in daydreaming about a possibility

I will give it my all…

Riding on the hope that one day,

I shall see it in bump and curve

Real and alive,

That which I conceived in my soul and mind.

I shall keep dreamin’ my dreams with no limits.

And this, I shall do with a smile.

A Love Letter..Raw thots

How a stranger says hi..
And your hello comes out alittle too shy,
You cant imagine this would last past a lingering glance
Or an  “I wannasee yousometime” smile.

A desire that took patience,
A journey that’s filled with sweetness

Everyday has a story..
Every date has a memory..
Each hug a dose of comfort,
Each smile; a promise

The miles build anticipation,
Your voice, my therapy.
You are definitely an answer to most of my prayers,
And as time tumbles by, more surprises are revealed,
And honey keeps drippin from our moon…
And I still wanna learn to love you..
To allow you to experience my complexities.. :-)

With you, everything is just Right.
With you, God has spoken a revival reminder..
Yes, Indeed there’s a tomorrow..

Happy Anniversary to My Man, My Miracle, My Pride.

Love, war..And fallen petals

                                                                                                              

                                                        Great pieces have been writ’

                    Sweet words that shed a tear from an iron soul..

                                                        Yet I find no suitable words, only simple words…

                                                        Darkest of dark..

                                                        wet! wet!  night..

                                                        Clock kept ticking

                                                        Glow kept waning..

                                                        The petals did fall..

                                                        But love healed all!

                                                        Through waking and dreaming..

                                                        Ranting and fighting

                                                        For..

                                                        Alittl’ more hope,

                                                        A little more grasp after

                                                        Pressing for a full stop on the highway of incomplete..

                                                        Words lost in a letter..

A fate to contemplate

Yes..the petals did fall

But love healed all..

Chosen.

To live for something..

Give nothing..

Feel delicate..

Smell flowers and lie in the grass..

Stare at the deep blue sky..

Sit and watch time pass..

Laugh and even cry..

Chosen.

To pick the petals that did fall..

And let love heal all.

                                                       Cant stop.

                                                            Smiling..

                                                               Humming..

                                                                   Dancing..

                                                                       Spreading..

                                                                          Sharing..

                                  For once like mine a soul

                         Whose petals did fall..

                Yes, love can heal all.